I had my first ketamine assisted psychotherapy session this morning/afternoon.
Right now my thoughts are full and all over the place
One of my thoughts is, I need to do this again. Because. I feel like I did see the loosening of myself from my thoughts and feelings a lot during session, but I kept close to myself during that time. Not really realizing or feeling my thoughts but just feeling free of something of some sort. Very hard to explain. I knew I was there, physically, but the things I saw I knew weren’t but felt real to me. The scenes kept changing. Morphing one into the next one. And I went along with them, making sure I was still around, talking to my therapist Kayla.
Things that were brought up, in my mind, that I can remember, right now is – my relationship with Alex – How I do feel so very close to him because of my children and the experience I had during the process of their birth. That truly is something I hold so dear and sincere in my heart. I think it hurts my soul honestly that it wasn’t that substantial to him.
Which it shouldn’t matter.
But shared experiences are something I think are important in life, and yea. That was a big one.
I know my Mom got brought up, but honestly I think I glossed over that. And I truly don’t know why. Maybe I thought she should of said something or appeared during the session or something would enter me, but nothing did with just the thought of her which is really interesting to me.
I think most of my work is validating myself. Not validating myself with external items, but just be satisfied that I am doing the best I can and that is enough and I am enough.
I feel like this will definitely dig out the crud and gunk and munk I have within myself.
I will try to write more tonight after my nap.
Being Mental.. 