3 things I am grateful for…
- Of course, my kids
- ………….I’ll think of later
So, I didn’t read when or what I wrote last. This past year has been a game of highs and lows.
Right now, I’m feeling a combo of sad/happy. It’s weird how the mind works.
I was hospitalized for the first time, this month. Only for 3 days, but it was well needed. Confined to a certain area, no computer, or phone, Enclosed from any outside influences, only able to focus on the stories of other who you are with, and going to group sessions. Not just talk therapy, learning about the mind/body well-being, crafts & art, boundaries, and a whole bunch of things.
It’s almost scarier to be out. I keep thinking that I need to go back for longer.
It’s really weird though. It’s highly interesting the mass variety of mental illness. Everyone had different stories and histories than I could never imagine. Drug abuse, being molested as a child, going to war, unable to care for themselves because of a death of a loved one. Just a whole variety.
Normal doesn’t exist.
So, my mind. Right now. Both excited and scared. Like a child and their first day of school. Fight or flight. I’ve always been a flight-er. Running away from everything that scares me. Trapping myself in the house, safe from what the outside world would say about me. First day of kindergarten, hiding so good, my mom couldn’t find me for 2 hours. If you don’t try, you fail? If you try and fail, at least you tried. I’m starting to learn.
Yes, I used some sort of drug to avoid what I feared. I left inpatient treatment with a whole new outlook at life. I am so thankful for those who I was entrapped with. They really opened my eyes to the outside world, and humbled me a great deal.
So, what is my thought right now? At least I am trying.