I don’t know if its this time of year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, on top of all the weather change, but I am not faking this funk.
Like I mentioned before, this co worker at work. I probably failed to mention, she was such a close friend to me, she was at my daughter and sons birthday parties. This is pretty sacred to me. So maybe that’s why it hurts a bit more.
I spoke with my guy ( shrink ) about this, and he told me I have two options. Try to reach out to her ( for the 3rd time ) or I just need to grieve the loss. Is it worth my thoughts anymore. Whenever I am working and she’s there, I resort to ignoring her as she does with me. Is that my true nature? Nope. Why should I sink ( probably shouldn’t judge ) to her level and do the same as she does to me, even if it is so cold?
I’ve decided I need to let it go. Sounds easier than it is. But why should I let her hold this power over my thoughts and feelings, when she couldn’t give a shit about me? Maybe she has this magical power over my co-workers and they ignore me as well, or have changed their opinion of me, but I have no control over that, unless I want to explain my illness to them. Will they understand, is it worth it? Right now, I couldn’t stand another rejection or someone who doesn’t quite understand that this is something I live with everyday and not just some sham to get out of some things in life.
Besides that, my kids leave for Florida with my ex for a week. I’ve decided to pick up work, probably not the best choice cause of what I said above, but I need to keep busy. I need to reach out to people who matter.
I’m an introvert, so I have few that I’m closest to, but when I sink into this funk, I so affectionately call it, I go into my hermit shell, and sleep, or think of all the negative things, imaginary or not. My guy told me to do something for myself, reach out to those I trust. This is very hard for me, but of course, I haven’t done it but I plan on doing so when my kids are gone. Maybe this weekend. Plan on doing something with them to know I have people who do care about me, even when I can’t say the same for myself.