Being Grateful – and – Other Shit

Three things I am grateful for.

  1. My kids
  2. My dogs
  3. My program

I am feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed.  I don’t want to do shit.  So much needs to be done but I can’t even fathom doing these things.  When I think of them again, I tell myself “Oh, I’ll do that at 5.” Knowing full well, when 5 approaches, it sure isn’t going to change a thing.

What is this lack of motivation.  It’s so much more saddening.  I’ve spent a month in PHP, started to improve, and now going back down that slippery slop again.

I need to work, I need to be a great mother and role model for my children.  It hurts this fucked up heart I have that I cannot even do these things.

I just don’t want to do anything right now.

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