I HATE…

feeling this way.  Depressed.  Alone.  Emotionally unstable.

People are for real dying and don’t want to, and I’m alive and wish I wasn’t.

What would I do if I got cancer?  Would I be overjoyed that I would have a way out?  A way out becuz I’m too big of a pussy to attempt my own demise.  I’d do it wrong, my kids might miss me, yadda yadda yadda.

People die everyday and don’t want to.

WHY THE FUCKKKKKKKKKK CANT I BE HAPPY FOR BEING ABLE TO BE HERE?  TO EMBRACE THE MOMENT, THE HERE AND NOW?

I feel so alone.  I am numb, but I break so easily.  Thoughts enter my mind and just destroy my being.  Why is life so hard?  Why can’t I be “normal” and have friends and lovers and be in relationships with people with meaning?

Why can’t I?  I isolate for what?  Cuz I’m scared of what people think.  When I shouldn’t give a flying fuck.

People die everyday and they want to be here.

Why can’t I just be….

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