I’m just realizing that trying to read my PHP program folder is not so useful on its own. If I have to go back to that, I might as well kiss my job good bye. Look at that, not staying in the present. Predicting the future. UGH. I annoy myself sometimes.
I remember one of my old jobs in my early twenties, I was driving there, and my body just filled up with so much anxiety and tension, that I drove all the way up to my sisters place 4 hours away. Without much thought, just drove the fuck up there. Avoidance is my middle name.
I had the thought run through my mind this morning because I had to call in yesterday and I was worried what everyone was saying/thinking/doing.
Depression/anxiety/bi-polar is a hell of a disease. My guy tries to explain it to me as if I have diabetes or heart disease. But it has a curse behind it as though it’s all in someones head. Imagine that. Mental illness is all in someones head….
As I sit here, and listen to Tupac, I really wish I had some balls to overcome this thing, but it keeps returning and grabbing hold of me, forcefully.
Being Mental.. 